(Version 1)
The walls of my sister's bedroom glow a faint color of green. The light is ghosty and strange, and it reminds me of a weird guy I saw on our new TV once when we rented movies. Only, that weird man glowed gray, because we only have a black and white TV. The light is a strange and scary green. The carpet should be brown, but in the glow from the nightlight, you can't tell the color. It could be blood red, and you would never even know it. Right now, my whole world is green and strange, and I can't sleep. I can't ever sleep. Bed time is nine o'clock, because that's when children ought to be in bed, and, daddy says, I'm lucky to be able to stay up that late. But, I always feel like I'm waiting forever to get to sleep. Dad says, “Close your eyes, and before you know it, it will be morning.” But even the inside of my head is green right now. The green light is so soft, but at the same time it seems loud. It seems like the green is speaking so loudly in the silence, that all the other colors are silent and scared.
Leah doesn't sleep in this room yet, because she is still too little. She is in the room with mom and dad right now, so if she wakes up hungry, mom can feed her. Grandma is here to visit us, but she can't sleep on the floor like I can, so she gets to sleep in my bed. I have to sleep in the baby's room so Grandma can have some privacy to sleep in. I do not like this room. There are a few things in the room, but mostly it isn't used yet. There is a kind of a dresser thing with a pad on top where Mom changes Leah's diapers, and it has shelves beneath stacked with diapers, and baby wipes, and blankets. There is lots of room on the floor, and so it feels very empty and lonely with just me and my sleeping bag down here. I got this sleeping bag for a present when Craig and Sky visited so we could all sleep on the floor of the living room together. I can't sleep out there tonight, because Dad says there's no good reason for it. So I'm in this big empty green room with only my sleeping bag and pillow. The sleeping bag is gray, but everything in this room seems gray because of the green light.
Emerald is green. When Dad was reading the Revelations and telling us about all the strange, boring stuff that happens in heaven every day, he said the God the Father sits on a big Emerald throne. The throne has light coming out of it, and you can't see God's face because John wasn't holy enough to look on His countenance. Dad says Emerald is a green gem, which is like a diamond, and God's throne is huge and solid green emerald. Dad says that God sits on the the throne in the middle of heaven, and all of the Elect gather around the throne every day to praise him and cast their crowns at his feet. I asked Dad if God ever moves around, or goes anywhere else besides the throne. He said God doesn't have to move around because he is everywhere at once. I don't understand why he has a throne. I guess there has to be somewhere so the elect can go to praise him.
Thinking about God's throne reminds me of the Beasts that Dad told me about. There are four of them, and they spend all their time before God's throne. They are all different, and the Bible says they are beautiful, but I think they must look really weird because they are filled with eyes within and without. All that they do is fly up and down before God's throne singing “Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, which was and is and is to come!” That means He's eternal. It's the same thing as when the Bible says that God is the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end. It means that God has no beginning. He always was, and he always will be. Dad says that all the Beasts do every day is praise God. They just fly up and down before His throne praising God for all eternity. Eternity means for ever and ever. I don't like forever.
The stacked diapers are green. The blue baby wipe box is a darker green. The pink blankets are green. The yellow stuffed bear looks green too. Everything looks green, only some green things are brighter than others. When you are looking at all the green in the room, sometimes your mind forgets that it is green, and instead, everything becomes gray. Even my hands are gray. For a minute, I wonder if everything has really turned black and white like it is on our TV. I close my eyes to try to forget that thought, but the nightlight somehow gets inside of my eyes while they are closed. I squeeze my eyes shut even tighter and put my fingers over them. I press my fingers over my eyes tighter, and suddenly color explodes back into my world. Swirls of red and blue spin around my eyes, and I feel better. The colors aren't gone for all eternity, but I wonder if the emerald light coming out of God's throne will make all of heaven look gray like this room.
The nightlight looks white at day time, but when you plug it in at night, it's green and it glows. There's a black cross on the nightlight with some words underneath. I can tell that one of the words is Jesus, because I know that word. Mom told me the nightlight says, “Jesus Saves.” Mom says that should be a wonderful reminder when you wake up alone at night. She said, we are never alone because Jesus promised, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” With that black cross on the nightlight, the wall on the other side of the room gets a giant cross on it from the shadow. The cross goes clear from the floor all the way to the ceiling. Mom says, that is still not as big as the real cross that they hung Jesus on.
The sleepless boredom lets a song slip into my spinning mind, and now the song loops around and around, and it almost seems like the loud green light is singing it inside of my head.
Amazing Grace,
how sweet the sound,
That saved
a wretch like me!
Mom told me that a wretch is a terrible dirty person, and we are all wretches without Jesus. Even if we are as good as we can be, and even if we are polite and nice, we are still wretches. Our good deeds are just like filthy rags if we don't have Jesus. Even though I'm only five years old, I could have been a wretch, if I didn't know Jesus. But, I'm not a wretch because I am born again. I got saved when I was three years old. That was almost two years ago when we lived in Washington on Main Street. Dad was teaching us a lesson about the Woman at the Well who had five husbands, but accepted Jesus into her heart anyway. Mom and Dad led me to the Lord that night, and now I'm saved for always. I even got baptized by Pastor Smith at our old church right afterwards. Since I'm saved, my righteousness will be treasures in Heaven instead of filthy rags.
When we've been there
ten thousand years
Bright shining
as the sun,
We've no less days
to sing God's praise
Than when
we've first begun!
Ten thousand years must be a long, long time. I'm only five, and that seems like a long time. Craig and Sky will come to visit us again this summer, but that's still six months away. Mom says, six months is half-a-year, but it will be gone before I know it. It seems like so, so long to me. Ten thousand is more than a thousand, and a thousand is really big. I asked Dad one time if he could count to a thousand, and he said that he could, but not right now. I can count clear up to one hundred, but that takes a really long time. A thousand is way bigger than a hundred, and ten thousand is even bigger than that.
I try to think about how it will be in heaven when we've already been there ten thousand years. That's just so long. Mom and Dad are thirty years old. Ten thousand is way longer than that. All that time. Forever. You never grow a single day older in Heaven, and you live up there forever. Dad says that Jesus will come back very soon. There will be a trumpet sound, and Jesus will say, “Come up hither,” and everyone who is saved will fly up to meet him in the clouds. If he does come soon, I'll be five years old in heaven for ten thousand years. And another ten thousand after that. And another...
We've no less days
to sing God's praise
The ceiling is green but looks gray. The carpet is brown but it looks gray. My skin is skin-colored, but even it looks gray. All that green light is so loud. The giant cross looms on the far wall to remind me that Jesus is always with me. If I could see Jesus here with me right now, he would probably look gray too. I wonder, will everything in heaven look gray because of the light coming out of God the Father's giant emerald throne? The streets of gold would look like regular gray streets. All of my treasures in heaven from my good works here would look like piles of gray metal. The elect gathered before the throne of God would have gray skin. And the four beasts would look gray. Day in, day out, flying up and down singing praises to God. For all eternity
We've no less days
After ten thousand years listening to those Beasts while they fly up and down, and watching the elect gathered before God throwing their crowns at his feet everyday, and the whole of heaven washed by loud green light that turns everything gray, still, no less days. All the days in front of us will be no less than when we first got to heaven.
No less days
I stare at the huge black shadow of the cross on the other wall. “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” I don't want to go to heaven. I pray and ask Jesus please, don't come back yet. I don't want to be five years old forever.
